Last night, I watched the clock strike 3 a.m. on the East coast because I had a paper due, not because I was waiting for the exact second (midnight sharp, California time) the new season of A Series of Unfortunate Events dropped on Netflix.
Had I not waited until the last minute to write that paper, I would have stayed up anyway. That's how excited I am about the new season. I haven't had a chance yet to dig into it, but I know it's waiting for me in my Netflix queue, one click away. Ten new episodes waiting to be devoured.
This season spans the next five stages in the Baudelaires' lives: The Austere Academy, The Ersatz Elevator, The Vile Village, The Hostile Hospital, and The Carnivorous Carnival. The Hostile Hospital was always my favorite (aside from Book the Thirteenth: The End, of course), so I'm particularly excited to see that story unfold.
While I wait for the time I can finally lay in my bed and veg, I thought in the meantime I'd be a little constructive and help myself out later. Drawing from the knowledge I have of reading the books and watching the first incredible season, I compiled a sip, shot, and finish list for your weekend ASOUE marathon.
(Pro tip: Eat M&Ms, take Coca-Cola shots, I DON'T CARE — just don't get rip-roaringly drunk and blame it on me.)
Take a sip when...
- Count Olaf calls himself handsome
- someone defines a word
- Mr. Poe has a coughing fit (if you have a death wish, take a sip for each individual cough)
- Lemony Snicket appears in onscreen unannounced (two sips if the scene pauses abruptly)
- someone calls the Quagmires twins
Take a shot when...
- Count Olaf changes disguises
- you get heart eyes over Jacques Snicket (be honest about this one)
- a sexual relationship is suggested between Count Olaf and another character (two shots if it makes you cringe)
- The Daily Punctilio says the Baudelaires are doing fine
- Klaus makes a sassy comeback remark
Finish your drink when...
- you recognize a quote from one of the books
- Beatrice is mentioned (yes, the dedications count)
- someone makes a joke about TV and/or streaming vs. movies
(Yes, there are thirteen points for a reason.)
Happy binging, viewers!
Disclaimer: Just as I cannot condone getting drunk, I too cannot condone watching this show. If you know what is good for you, you will forget you ever saw this webpage, heard of this series, subscribed to Netflix, met me... and you will look away.
Please, viewers, look away. But if you don't, if you for some reason decide to undergo the extreme anguish of following these poor children's lives, then... maybe you'll need to stick to the alcohol after all.
Feature image via CGM.